Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
