Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize