he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
