a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
