im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
