Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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