I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
