It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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