Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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