Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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