I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the condom got lost in my hair
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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