i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
