what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
