So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
