Need sex. Gaining weight.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
nutella sex= disaster
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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