wrigley field is MILF paradise
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize