What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
being pregnant is like rehab
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize