you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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