Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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