also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
