do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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