dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
