DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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