I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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