So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
