I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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