nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
