cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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