My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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