I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
