I wannas sexs uuuuu
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
