I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
