There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
