she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
