i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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