Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
