I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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