I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
