he puts the penis in happiness.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
