Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
