I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
