My hand turned me down
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
