we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
