Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
