Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
