Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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