His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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