My Higher Power is John Stamos
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
