so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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