It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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