Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
