The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
