I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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