in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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