if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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