It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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