Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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