I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
