Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
