if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
