I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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