She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
