i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
