She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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