the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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