Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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