I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
