3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
