honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
