So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
