sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize