I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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