The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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