You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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