then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
