Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You don't make any sense
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