Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
