Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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