She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
