don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
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