2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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