Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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