Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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