i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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