I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
