Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
