You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
