Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
