I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
