Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
