Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
