needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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