I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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