More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My cat gives me a boner
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
