the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
