He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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