Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
